Do you smile every time you hear a specific song, or light up when you see a certain old friend? Those are both what I like to call happiness sparks.
We need them now more than ever to thrive despite challenges, distractions, and overwhelming current events. Unfortunately, as I wrote in my recent book, “The Mentally Strong Leader,” there are some days when these moments are hard to come by.
The key is to bring more happiness sparks into your life — not by chance, but by choice.
It takes mental strength and discipline to adopt perspectives and make choices that can help bring you joy, especially when negative emotions and thoughts are hijacking you.
The most mentally strong people lean on these five mantras, which can provide little bursts of resilience and create sparks of happiness.
1. ‘It’s not what I lost, it’s what I still have’
In times of adversity, it’s easy to focus on what’s gone. Maybe you lost time, money, or resources when something went wrong with that work project. Or you lost your identity when you got laid off. Or you lost a hangout buddy when your friend moved across the country.
Remembering to focus on what you still have makes a profound difference. Consciously practicing gratitude improves well-being, research shows.
In the situations above, for instance, you might be grateful for valuable insights, the loved ones you can spend more quality time with, and a new travel destination, as well as a friendship you can continue cultivating long-distance.
2. ‘There’s no such thing as a perfect path’
When you second guess a path you’ve chosen or lament that not everything is working out as you’d hoped, you can get stuck in a negative loop.
The truth is that there will always be unexpected twists and turns. It’s easier to find joy when you accept the imperfect path and overcome obstacles along the way.
Think of an accomplishment or outcome that made you happy. Odds are you dealt with some adversity to get there.
3. ‘Let it be’
When you’re frustrated and someone tells you to “just let it go,” that can make you more upset. It’s also bad advice, since you’ll likely be unable to ignore what happened and how it made you feel.
You can, on the other hand, tell yourself, “Let it be.” That means using a form of cognitive acceptance, which is a surer path to pulling out of a downward spiral.
Don’t try to banish an adverse event from your psyche or change what you feel about it. Let it sit there. Acknowledge and accept that your emotions are legitimate reactions and focus on how you’ll move forward in a productive way.
4. ‘Big picture, small step’
When we struggle in the face of setbacks, we can lose perspective. Small challenges may suddenly seem outsized.
Saying “Big picture, small step” to yourself does two things:
- It reminds you of the ultimate goal or of the vision of the life you want to live and who you want to be. When you consider a setback in the context of the big picture, it shrinks.
- It can help you identify one small thing you can do to get back on the path of progress and positivity. That first action can lead to another small step of hopefulness, which leads to another, and so on.
5. ‘Adversity creates Beliefs, not Consequences’
Think of this as your ABC phrase, inspired by the ABC model in cognitive behavioral therapy. The idea is to remind yourself that adversity doesn’t automatically mean negative outcomes.
The end result of adversity is determined by how you respond to it, and the beliefs you form because of it.
For example, will you believe that a job interview that didn’t go well was a non-recoverable disaster that clearly demonstrates you’re a failure? Or will you believe that it’s a learning opportunity and an obstacle you’ll overcome, like you have in other situations in the past?
Remember: ‘I’ll be happy when…’ is a trap
It’s easy to get caught up thinking that happiness is a destination, that if you can only make a little more money, or achieve some specific thing, then you’ll be happy.
You might tell yourself, “I’ll be happy when I finally get that promotion,” for example, or “If I could just fit into those old jeans, I’d be so much happier.” In the meantime, you let joy slip by unnoticed as you keep your head down, grinding.
Mentally strong people engage in what I call “grindfulness,” a practice at the intersection of gratitude and mindfulness. It allows you to notice and recognize your gratitude for the small positives, even in tough moments.
It encourages you to draw happiness from finding and experiencing joy in the world around you, right now, every day.
Scott Mautz is a popular speaker, trainer, and LinkedIn Learning instructor. He’s a former senior executive of Procter & Gamble, where he ran several of the company’s largest multi-billion-dollar businesses. He is the author of “The Mentally Strong Leader: Build the Habits to Productively Regulate Your Emotions, Thoughts, and Behaviors.” Follow him on LinkedIn.
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